The A List

Drafting the guest list... an action item dreaded by both brides and grooms alike. It can be fraught with danger and the cause of many a family disagreement or lost friendship. It's a little early for us to be determining our guest list, but we realised we had to formulate a rough idea of numbers to come up with a realistic budget that we can plan for. As I tell our clients, the guest list is a variable expense and food and beverage is a big ticket item, which is why it's good to have a clear estimate in mind in the early stages of planning.

So, not long after the engagement, out came the Excel spreadsheet and the A, B and C columns were born! The idea of classing our friends and family into categories seemed rather ruthless, but there are two harsh realities to accept when it comes to wedding guests: 

1) you are limited by your venue's capacity

2) the cost of food & beverage, bomboniere, transport and invitations can only go up if your numbers do too

Ultimately, no wedding is worth going into irredeemable debt over, so capping the guest list is one of those necessary evils.

I was rather surprised at how our list developed. An initial brain dump of all the names we wanted to invite started the process. At this early stage, we realised there was no way we could accommodate children, so I was already worrying about how to comunicate this to guests (especially as there will be 6 children from immediate family present). In reality, most people are very comfortable with the idea that they'll need to find a babysitter for an occasion such as a wedding, but it still doesn't stop me worrying about offending people. We reworked this into an A list of people we definitely wanted to invite and a B list of people we would like to invite, if space and budget permits. 

A few weeks later we revisited the list and realised we had forgotten a handful of people who lived overseas or interstate. At this stage I reverted to my trusty Facebook friends list to ensure I hadn't forgotten anyone. This is were the C list evolved.

We then didn't look at the list for about 5 months, only to recently reopen the faithful old Excel spreadsheet for a quick re-cap. A bit of distance is great for perspective! In a moment of clarity, the list was quickly rearranged and we found that a number of people who we hadn't seen or spent much time with recently would probably not expect to be invited anyway. I then moved almost all of the B list into the A list - at the suggestion of my fiancé...and much to my surprise! I was being cautious and very aware of not letting the list get out of control. After all, guys tend to need some convincing when it comes to the cost of weddings. However, he very rightly pointed out that I would regret not inviting them as many of them had been part of my life for years. Another reason why I love him! We also realised that the nature of some friendships can change. Some friends on the first draft have drifted away for whatever reason: moving interstate, changing jobs, etc and we have little contact with them now. On the other hand, some friends on the B list have shown so much excitement and happiness about our engagement, we feel it would be silly not to invite them. They're now safely in the A column! We learnt a good lesson here - surround yourself with people who are genuinely happy for you and WANT to celebrate with you. Rather than just inviting people who you think you should.

No doubt we'll review it again in 6 months time, only to find we have lost touch with some on the list, and formed new friendships we don't even know about yet. The fast-paced nature of life, changing careers and the fact that we have both lived in multiple countries and cities, means that the circle of friends will always be metamorphosing. The old 'reason, season, lifetime' adage comes into play with weddings. Sometimes a guest list will be a combination of all 3!

The list is currently standing at a very respectable 90 - just right for the space available...and room for a dance floor. Couldn't do without one of those could we!